mortimer

Here at ‘Bumpkin Watch’ our investigative journalist team have uncovered the real reason why weirdy-trimmed-beardy JD Vance uses his initials rather than either of his actual forenames. At first we just assumed it was some kind of a hillbilly thing like being called Gomer, Cletus or Booger, but it actually turns out it’s because his real name is even more shit than any of those.

Vance, whose parents were siblings, was actually christened Jebediah Doofus on August 3rd, 1984 by his mentally ill mother, Trixie-Bob, at the Middletown Confessional Calvinist Church, Ohio after she escaped from the local mental institute with the one day old nipper.

His father, Goober Charles Jnr (renowned crystal meth manufacturer and three time near miss KKK Grand Wizard) passed away eight months earlier in what has only been described in the local ‘Middletown Gazette’ as “a freak washing machine accident”. According to sources, Goober, “was at the local laundromat” and “got his frayed neckerchief caught in the machine’s drive belt during its spin cycle”. Apparently he had been “raking for loose change through a removed rear panel”.

Initially christened with the surname Bomen, his mother changed it to Reynolds when she married her sixth husband and uncle, Herschel Beauregard “Burt” Reynolds III.

Quite where he got the surname Vance from has remained a mystery for many years, however, having recently tracked down his old juvenile detention buddy Virgil Buford, we can confirm that he adopted it from the famous UK Radio One disc jockey and heavy metal enthusiast, Tommy Vance, whom JD had become enamoured with during his early years. Sources have disclosed that he used to tune in to his step father’s portable shortwave radio every Friday night during Uncle Herschel’s weekly weekend “fishing” trips, although Buford did remark that “the only fishing Ol’ Burt ever got up to was for some well worn pussy.”

“I can’t believe he’s got to where he is today,” Buford added, “to start from such humble beginnings and end up third in command of the country under Elon is one hellava achievement.”

https://txt.fyi/0bca2ba9a9f78be5

“Is that Kung Fu?”

“No, he’s only had 2 pints.”

Yeah. What ads?

I have my own website account for personal stuff, and all the other stuff that was going to my Gmail account is being redirected now to Disroot.org where I’m slowly changing the address over for each mail that comes in. I know Disroot is probably not the best, but it was free, had POP3 and IMAP support (I use IMAP on my phone and POP3 on my desktop) and it’s not used for anything too important.

I used Organic Maps on my CalyxOS phone a few days ago to navigate a 200 mile car drive home to the Scottish Highlands, and it worked flawlessly. The first 50 miles were through parts of Fife that I was not familiar with. I left it on for the rest of the journey just to track my progress and test it out. Very impressed with it. Maps are detailed and downloaded to the device for offline use. I’ve finally managed to deGoogle my life completely and will never use another Google product or service again.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Linux. Yes, it is liberating, isn’t it?

I found keeping Windows on a dual boot system when I first migrated to Mint was enough to make me never want to use Windows again. It kept fucking things up and I wiped it off my system shortly thereafter.

Rather than add a secondary drive, why not run a Windows virtual machine? I created a Win7 VM just for those two pieces of software that Linux doesn’t have. I have blocked it from internet access and so it does everything I need on the rare occasions that I require it.

Yeah, I thought that too for a while, but over the last 5 or 6 years I’m sticking with my initial gut feeling on the matter.

I met Rogan briefly back in 2003 when Stanhope invited me out to his desert party. They were both working on The Man Show at the time and we went out to the studio cos Doug had a couple of things to wrap up before we took off to Panamint Springs. Rogan was sitting at a computer that he barely looked up from. I took an instant dislike to his dismissiveness. I don’t get starstruck easily and back then he was hardly the celebrity he is now (me being from Scotland I only knew him as some half-rate comedian that I never found that funny). Something about his demeanour pissed me right off. I’ve always been the kind of person that goes with gut instinct when I meet someone for the first time (it’s served me well over the years) and my gut told me this guy was a prick. He seemed to come across as having a sense of entitlement. It was a very brief encounter and introduction, but I never forgot it and haven’t been too surprised by the level of fame he has achieved. He came across as someone very focussed and driven on making it big at any cost. I guess we now all see the cost. There was a sweet spot a few years ago when his interviews were good and entertaining but now it’s just him repeating himself all the time and getting the same guests on like his CIA handler Mike Baker. There’s clearly a political agenda to his show and Rogan has been bought and paid for many times over.